I know the feeling...
Look, It’s easy on a spiritual journey to forget to appreciate how far we’ve come. I know I’ve forgotten along the way.
I was 14 years old, laying in my bed watching TV when all of a sudden, my chest starts to feel really tight, my throat feels like it's closing in, and breathing starts to get really difficult. I'm wondering what the actual fuck is happening to me? Later on, I realized that this was my first, of many, panic attacks. It was brought on because of the anxiety I had around playing soccer in high school.Â
Soccer was my life. It was my everything. It was the one thing that I was really good at - the one thing that made my parents actually pay attention to me. It was my identity.
During a summer soccer game my sophomore year, everything changed. I was wearing outdoor cleats on turf, and while I was running, the spikes on the bottom of my cleat got stuck on the ground. I’ll never forget the sound of tearing my ACL. It was like time slowed and while I laid on the ground, crying, staring at the sky, I knew everything had changed. In this moment, I lost the biggest part of myself. I had no idea who I was without soccer, and I had no idea what I was going to do.
While I was going through my recovery, I discovered my mother’s infidelity, and I held that secret in, afraid of destroying the family. And boy, was I pissed off about it. I was depressed, anxious, and so angry, and I lost myself in all of it. I hated my life. I hated what happened to me. I didn’t want to be here anymore. Antidepressants helped only enough to keep me going through the motions of life.
Over time, my memory started to get worse and got to the point where I couldn't even remember something that happened 5 minutes ago. I was diagnosed with dissociative amnesia somewhere between age 18 to 20. I don’t actually remember when. I couldn't remember my day-to-day, much less even know who I was.
I started going to therapy in my senior year of college. At the time, I was staying so busy with two jobs and partying that I didn’t allow myself any time to think but I felt deep down that something had to give. In therapy, I finally found someone who helped me understand myself a bit more.Â
In 2015, my best friend lost her life in a motorcycle accident. And I was too broke to fly to be at her funeral. At the same time, another best friend of mine decided she no longer wanted to be friends with me. I lost two of the five people that were closest to me in the same year, and I felt like everything was dissolving.
I had been taking them since I was 16, and I stopped the same day. This was the first time my higher self, my soul, spoke to me. And I listened. Everything started to slowly shift after this.
I decided to move back to my hometown, with my now husband, Jordan, to start over. This was the beginning of my journey towards self-discovery, spirituality, and healing. I started to eat cleaner, lost 20 lbs, and got my first “big girl” job with a salary and benefits. I started paying off my debts, and actually saving money.
My first step into spirituality was through astrology - a birth chart reading with my brother. After this reading, something inside me clicked. My appetite for spiritual discovery at that time was insatiable. Reiki, sound healings, tarot readings, hypnosis sessions, past life regressions, books, podcasts, coaching, courses, retreats… ALL THE THINGS!
I started to remember who I was, accept myself, find my voice, and understand my mission. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a vision for myself, and that I understood, to some degree, who I actually am.
All of my inner work inspired me to start my first business in 2022, and even though it was technically a “flop”, it taught me so much about myself. I learned more about who I was, how to accept my gifts, and accept my journey. What it really showed me was that I was stepping into my power in ways that I had never experienced before. I was finally saying yes to me. I learned to ask for help. And when I did, I felt even MORE empowered than ever before. Because I realized that I didn’t have to do everything on my own anymore, and when I asked for help, it was actually a way of expressing my own power.
Now, I'm at a point in my life where I'm not longer just surviving - I'm thriving. I have a strong and healthy marriage, a vision for my business, and confidence in my voice. I'm a certified Reiki Master. I know I'm powerful, I know I have gifts.
- Our self healing journeys are not linear and when we remember to have fun, you can navigate the highs and lows of life with ease.
- When we embrace playfulness, we eliminate the need to be perfect and we can enjoy ourselves exactly as we are.
- When our time and attention aren’t consciously utilized, it can feel like time is slipping through our fingers. Our relationship to time and how we use it, is incredibly important. One of the biggest changes in my life came when I started creating systems to help me focus my attention, which gave me more time for what truly matters.Â
- Loving yourself means accepting that you maybe didn’t like who you were in the past. This acceptance opens up space for true integration and the recognition that everything is perfect as it is.Â
- Freedom is from within. You experience freedom when you release yourself from your self-imposed limitations.
I’m here to support you in navigating your own journey, embracing your fullest potential, and finding freedom: freedom of time, freedom of emotions, freedom of self. Together, we can play with the puzzle pieces of your life to reveal the beautiful life that has been waiting for you.
You don’t need to figure it out all by yourself, nor should you. I’ll be that mirror for you, so you can finally see, and step into your aligned life.
